This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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