too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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