you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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