Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
