Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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