did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
