It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize