he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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