On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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