And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
