what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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