You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
