can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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