note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
