I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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