He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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