It's Friday. Sex?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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