my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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