Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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