I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
ok first of all what the fuck
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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