why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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