there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
