So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
