I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
