I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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