K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
