your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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