Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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