Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
