Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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