you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
