What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
