listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
