I think I just saw someone hide a body.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
