Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
