Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize