Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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