when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
