i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Of course I have a pirate flag
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
