At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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