she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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