You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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