Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
