She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
