you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
