Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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