eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
