i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
