its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
