you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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