Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
