we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
