FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize