Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
