I love watching others lives come down to our level.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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