I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
