I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize