my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
