Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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