Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My vagina just clenched in fear
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
