this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
