I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
