Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
