Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
