No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
