dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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