I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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