I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
