You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We are two peas in an std pod
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
