i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
