And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
