I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
