You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
