i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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