Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
