you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
