Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
worst night to have a conscience
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
