can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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