i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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