I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
