She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
