I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
