i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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