I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Randomize
