I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
