you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
