I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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