I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
