Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
